4 Items That Can Take On Anything The Internet Throws At You

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This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.

In our current climate of warrantless surveillance and indiscriminate data collection, having constant access to the internet has become a liability as much as a convenience. Despite allowing for wonderfully pedestrian luxuries like on-demand hitchhiking and real-time pizza delivery tracking, internet services have forced us to choose between excessively leaking information or abandoning civilization to live amongst the tree people.

And since it’s hard to wash the smell of sap and mildew out of your shorts, it’s up to you to protect your data. Using dedicated privacy software like Disconnect gives you an added layer of online insulation. “But what if I don’t have anything to hide?” you say, crouched in the corner suspiciously hiding something. Well, you should still look at privacy software, because …

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Websites Will No Longer Destroy Your Battery Life

While devices have gotten slimmer and faster, web pages have become increasingly bloated with useless junk. Most modern sites are filled to the brim with intrusive advertising and social media tracking cookies. It might seem like harmless yet delightfully inspirational fun, but that Minions meme gallery is dealing your phone’s battery a slow death. However, purchasing a content blocker will omit everything from malware-filled ads to superfluous font files, and prevent your phone from turning into a molten slab. Not to mention …

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Your Data Will Be Safe From Advertisers

Obviously, Facebook knows everything you do on Facebook. But it’s also totally aware of everything you do on any page that has a like button, as do its advertising partners. To guarantee that your face isn’t used in a targeted ad for psoriasis cream, you’d have to stay permanently logged out of every social media service. Or you could use Disconnect to prevent ad and social media trackers from getting all up in your business. And look, we’re not saying there’s any shame in slathering yourself from head to toe in skincare ointments. It’s your right as a human to be as slippery as you wanna be. But between the FBI, the CIA, and Santa Claus tracking your every move, do you really need Mark Zuckerberg in on the action as well? Which brings us to …

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Your Browser Traffic Will Stay Private

Ad-blocker or no, your ISP still sees everything you do. And recent online privacy rollbacks have enabled broadband providers to ratchet up their collection and brokerage of customer data. The fact that you rewatched the new OK Go video seven times in a row is now something that can be bought and sold. Even if they don’t know where you live, your IP Address gives away your general location easily. Much like fingerprints and belligerent uncles mumbling incoherently about the “glory days,” you usually can’t choose your ISPs. But you can use a VPN to keep your online profile anonymous. Disconnect’s VPN encrypts and reroutes your connection through an array of international servers to keep all of your browsing activity under wraps. Which is great, because …

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You Can Access More Of The Internet

Now that you can browse in private, you can also be more adventurous in your internet diet. If you’re travelling abroad and unable to watch Netflix, or just have an all-encompassing lust for Korean soap operas, a VPN is also perfect for circumventing regional content restrictions. You can gain access to foreign websites and media by tricking them into thinking you are within their national borders, and you don’t even have to use that horrible accent you learned at improv class. With a good VPN, you can watch your favorite British TV show without having to wait for the terrible U.S. remake. And that’s to say nothing of pursuing activities that can be less than squeaky-clean …

Ewww. Gross.

Don’t be a prude. We were talking about foreign cooking channels. But anyways, the browser protection and content-blocking powers of Disconnect have been lauded in The New York Times, LifeHacker, PCMag, TechCrunch, and Ars Technica for good reason. You get several privacy tools in a single service available for all of your devices, plus robust ad-blocking and tracker-blocking plugins. Basically, it’s like an internet Swiss army knife, except instead of using it to cut shoestrings in the woods or whatever campers do (we don’t go out much), it allows you to find the most bizarre anime from every corner of the world (we don’t go out much). You can get a lifetime access to everything they offer for 90 percent off.

The internet can be a scary place, but nothing can withstand your Unblockable “Say Anything” Attack. Not even the highly infectious Tron Of The Dead virus. Science has solved that problem yet, but you’ve got it covered, so trolls better Go Big or Phone Home.

For more ways to put your internet prowess to good use, check out How To Hack For The Good Guys With The Cracked Store.

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